I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He did a backflip because drugs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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