I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
