so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
