he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
