I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
