Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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