sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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