I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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