i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
