Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
