I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
