You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need moral support for this bender
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
