He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
