paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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