I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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