Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
