I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
