So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
