You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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