I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's get the cat blown out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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