so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
