Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
