I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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