She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize