my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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