Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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