I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
