my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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