I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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