you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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