i was rollin on her like bob the builder
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
