Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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