You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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