You made me cry and you don't even care
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
