I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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