you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
