How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
