My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
