You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
