I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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