Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
