My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
