Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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