I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize