I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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