I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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