4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
