The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
