So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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