We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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