Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
