EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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