Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
