You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
