Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
