What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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