You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were trust falling into bushes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
