he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
