i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
