I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
