well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
