I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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