i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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