I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
