what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
