I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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