I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
