Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Panties = found
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize