you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
