that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
